Realizations
by Ashen Skies
Summary: [1x2] Duo realizes Heero doesn’t like him. Heero realizes that he does. [Warning: in 3 parts. First part angst, second part will attract ants, third part might burn rubber all the way up to R.]
1. Realizations: Duo

**Disclaimer**: Don't own, have no relation to Gundam Wing or any of its characters, making no profit from this, yadda yadda I'm really tired of writing disclaimers.

**Summary**: Duo realizes Heero doesn't like him. Heero realizes that he does. [Warning: in 3 parts. First part angst, second part will attract ants, third part might burn rubber all the way up to R.]

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**Realizations: Duo**

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During the war, I was the only one who could get through to Heero, if you don't count Relena (and she only did it by annoying the hell out of him). I got him to trust me, to rely (sometimes, anyway) on me, to even smile at me – though that was a once-in-a-polka-dotted moon thing. I strove to make him see me as an equal, a partner he could fully depend on, and I like to think I succeeded. We made a great team, the best team, if I do say so myself. And somewhere along the way, I realized why his regard was so important to me – I'd gone and fallen in love with the oblivious idiot.

If course, being the Perfect Soldier and all, he believed showing emotion was a weakness. Oh, sure, _following_ emotion was the way to go, but actually showing it? The horror! Only a few times have I seen him so deeply affected by something that he shows it physically. A smile here, a few smirks there, a huge emotional breakdown after the whole Noventa thing (okay, not exactly). In any case, I wasn't about to risk the tentative friendship we shared by dumping on him a whole load of emotions and feelings he wasn't comfortable with and make him clam up again. Anyway, I was pretty sure that it was just a matter of time before 'Heero and I' became 'us', so I wasn't about to rush it.

If only I'd known.

It was a Thursday, late autumn. Heero had just offed to work at the Preventers' HQ and I was in our shared apartment, dealing with the business end of Hilde's and my salvage company. See, that was another proof of our special bond, Heero and I – he wouldn't let just _anyone_ share an apartment with him, would he? So there I was, staring at the desktop computer and thinking about how I might have to get spectacles if staring at the screen was going to become a habit, when the phone rang. Funny how it always does that.

The caller ID said that it was Wufei on the line, which surprised me a little, since the guy wasn't the type to call during missions and I _knew_ he was on one. His partner was Sally (yes, couples _can_ be partners if they fill out the relevant forms and get approved by Scary Une) and she'd mentioned something about a long mission around this time.

"Hel – "

"Hello? Odin? Is that you?"

I blinked.

"Uh… what?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, is Odin there? This is Leiran."

"…Leiran?"

There was an exasperated sigh. "Yes, Leiran. You must be Shin, Odin's new roommate?"

"Oh!" The light bulb _finally_ lit, and I smacked myself for being so dense. Man, peace really dented my soldier's instincts. "Yes, Leiran, I remember Odin talking about you. Sorry, it takes me a while to process things. You were saying? Oh, yes, Odin's out."

"He is? I really needed to talk to him. Never mind, could I leave him a message?"

"Sure. Hold on a sec while I get paper and pen."

I dashed to my room, grabbed the old, ancient tape recorder from underneath the pile of junk from my desk, and ran back out, picking up pen and paper as I did so.

"Hey, Leiran. Dictate away."

He rattled off some junk about delayed flights and people with weird names, and I dutifully scribbled down what little I could understand, to make the pauses and sounds seem more authentic, while the little recorder whirred silently in the background. When he was done, I said cheerily, "I'll make sure he gets this, don't worry."

"Thank you, Shin. Make sure he gets that _quickly_. Give my regards to him as well."

"Will do. See ya!"

"Goodbye."

He hung up and I hit the stop button on the recorder as I replaced the phone. A quick change of clothes and I was out of the door, jumping down the stairs two at a time and dashing out the door, grabbing my beat-up Chevvy and breaking the speed limit to the Preventers'. Wufei couldn't call the HQ itself, of course, but it had to be important if he'd call me in the middle of the mission and he'd want me to get whatever it was to Une as soon as possible. Not to Heero, like the phone call implied – he just used 'Odin' to try to clue me in to his need for secrecy. I could understand _that_, at least.

I haphazardly parked my car in Wufei's allocated spot and jogged into the reception area. Going over to the receptionist, I smiled sweetly and her and asked if she could connect me to Une. The girl blushed and quickly did so; and it was only when Une's voice barked, audible even past the receiver, "Yes?" that she remembered the correct procedure.

"Commander! I – that is – "

"Do you not know the correct procedure for calls?" Une's voice snapped, and I intervened. Leaning over the desk, I gave the poor girl an easy grin and gently took the phone from her. "Relax, lady, it's just me," I said into the receiver. "I needed some way to get to you quickly."

Une sighed, knowing full well how strong my charm could be. "Only you, Maxwell. What do you want?" she asked with a hint of amusement.

"Wufei called."

Her tone immediately sharpened. "Chang? But he's – get up here now, Maxwell."

"Yes, ma'am!" I grinned and put the phone down. I turned to the receptionist, who was staring at me with wide eyes, and winked. "Nice meeting you," I told her cheerily, and hurried off to Une's office.

Five minutes later, tape recording delivered and formal thanks received from the scary lady herself, I found myself in the Preventers' HQ with nothing to do. I'd just driven all the way here, and to go back after less than ten minutes was such a waste. Of course, there was one obvious solution…

Humming happily, I took the lift down to the eighth floor, where – surprise, surprise, Heero's office was. Deciding to surprise him (because that _look_ on his face was just too damn funny – and rare), I slipped unnoticed into the main room. It took me a moment to find Heero's office door, because the cubicles in the centre of the room were cluttered with people.

Using that handy little trick of blending in we'd all perfected during the war, I made it to the little alcove where the coffee was, between the door to Heero's office and the door to the main room. Slipping inside for a while (to grab some free coffee, yes, I admit it), I observed the room, letting the sounds wash over me while I sipped my (obviously 3-in-1 from the unauthentic taste) coffee, until I heard Heero's name. There were two girls, a couple of desks to the side of the alcove. I moved forward slightly to hear better.

" – make a great couple! I mean, both are so gorgeous!"

"Yeah, aren't they? And I heard he's always hanging around Mr Yuy! I don't know his personality that well, rumours say he's a bit of a flirt and he's nasty sometimes but Mr Johansson's always so nice to me and the girls!"

"It's fate, I guess, that they're partners, huh?"

"Nah, by that logic then Mr Yuy's housemate would be an even better partner for him! I mean, they live together, right?"

"Oh, but I overheard them talking. He was asking Mr Yuy why he didn't just move out of the apartment he shared with – get this – some charity case he picked off the street!"

I found my fist clenching on the Styrofoam cup in my hand and quickly set it down on the floor behind me, moving even closer.

"Really? Oh, he's so kind! He doesn't seem the sort."

"Yeah, I know. Apparently, it's some street rat he found during the war, a messy slob of a boy who makes the entire house a mess. Mr Johansson's been there before, when the boy wasn't home, and he's seen the state of things."

"Oh, poor Mr Yuy! He's so strict about neatness and cleanliness, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is."

I jolted at the cold voice. Zechs?

"Who told you all this?"

"I – I overheard Mr Johansson telling it to Mr Yuy."

"And did Mr Yuy agree with all that Mr Johansson was saying?"

"He – he didn't deny it, he just made that 'hn' noise he always does – "

"That will do. In the future please _refrain_ from gossiping about Mr Yuy and his roommate. If Mr Maxwell hears you it will be most _unpleasant_, as he does not like lies, especially if it is about him."

Zechs stalked past my hiding place, and I could make out the frown on his face, and his glare was fixed upon Heero's door. It warmed me a little to see Zechs so irritated on my behalf, since we weren't really very good friends, after the whole White Fang business. Wartime paranoia never really goes away.

Standing up, I picked up my cup and threw it in the trash. Taking a deep breath, I sauntered out of the small alcove and out of the room and out of the building, oblivious to all the noise and lights and movement, only allowing myself to process things when I was in my car.

So… Heero's new partner had been talking shit about me? I'd met the guy before, and he was quite good-looking, actually, tall and strong and with a dimpled grin to die for. I always found him a little conceited, a little cocky, but hey, he was Heero's newest partner (you wouldn't believe the number of partners he's gone through; none of them could keep up with him) and I didn't want to mess things up.

My mobile phone rang then, and I picked it up. "Duo Maxwell, if you're management this is a recording machine and if you're a friend what's up?"

"Duo. I'm bringing Johansson over tonight. Clean up the place." _Click_.

And that was it.

I felt like going right back up and punching him in the face. Maybe ripping off a ball or two. Instead I put my car into reverse and once I was clear of the parking lot, shot off with a shriek of tyres onto the road. Trying to cool down, I used this technique my psychiatrist taught me – hey, we all had to go through it after the war, okay?

Firstly, was I angry? Yeah, I was. At Johansson? Yeah, for daring to try and steal _my_ Heero from me. For daring to badmouth me to Heero. For daring to be so good-looking and apparently Heero's 'type'.

Was I angry at Heero, too? Yeah, I was. Because… because… I was hurt, dammit, that he didn't stand up for me. Hell, even Zechs knew how to treat a friend and this was _not_ it! Hurt that he acted like his normal stone self even when his supposedly best friend's name was being trampled into the ground. Dammit, after all I'd done for him, all the efforts I'd gone to trying to bring him out of his shell, teaching him how to adapt to peacetime with others…

I just drove around aimlessly. Let Heero and Mr Johansson find the apartment _filthy_ like a street rat's home. I was afraid if I went back I'd yell something inappropriate out, and that'd be the end of Heero's friendship with me. Maybe I was angry with the idiot, but I knew he really did see me as a friend. He just didn't know how to show it.

And since Johansson was his partner he _had_ to be nice to him, since it was his 'mission', right? Never let feelings interfere with business; Heero lived by that rule (one of many) and he wouldn't let anything Johansson said jeopardize their working relationship.

Feeling better with that reasoning, I drove back home, at a relatively normal speed this time. Heero'd kill me if I got another speeding ticket. It was evening already, anyway, so I had to be even more careful than in the day, with all that light to see by.

I pulled into my assigned parking lot, waved to the night doorman, and took the stairs up to our third-floor apartment. Digging for my keys, I realized that I'd forgotten to take them with me when I left! Groaning, I tried the doorknob. Nope, locked. So they were here already, and Heero would be pissed that I'd left the door unlocked and the house vulnerable. Great, just great.

Pressing the doorbell, I waited impatiently. Then loud arrogant footsteps gave me warning before the door swung open and I was staring up into the face of one Rick Johansson. He gave me a half-smile, half-sneer, and greeted me with, "Hello. Come in."

_Asshole. It isn't your house, don't act like it is._ I gave him a sweet smile in reply, not showing any sign of my thoughts. "Hello, Rick. How are you doing?"

"Just fine, I'm working very well with Heero. Some are even calling us the best partners they've ever seen, you know?" He laughed smugly as I stepped past him and he shut the door behind me. "The Commander is very pleased with our work."

_Punch him!_ my mind screamed. _Stab his guts out!_ My fingers itched towards my boot knives (like I said, wartime habits) but I managed a neutral, "That's good" without doing anything stupid, at least stupid by Heero's standards.

Then Heero himself came out of the kitchen and I gave him a huge grin, Johansson pushed to the back of my mind for now. "Hey, Hee-chan! Making dinner?"

"Don't call me Hee-chan. And yes. For two."

"Oh, Rick's not eating here?" _Yeah!_

Heero raised an eyebrow. "No. You aren't."

I froze. My body, my mind, my – cliché as it sounds – heart. "Eh, whaddya mean?" I laughed nervously.

"You forgot your keys in the dining table. You left the appliances on. You left the door unlocked. Where did you go? Late for a meeting with some girl? I told you before not be so careless and irresponsible. Why can't you just act your age for once?"

I just stared at him for a while. Stared into those blue, blue eyes I loved to drown in, examined the strong sleek features, watched the windblown messy strands of dark brown hair. And for once, let myself see the cool downturn of those pouty lips, let myself be aware of the hard anger and annoyance in his eyes, let myself recognize the tension in his lean frame.

"Hey, Heero, I'll just continue our report, huh?" Rick's voice broke into our staring match, and I turned slightly to watch him as he moved past me, sitting down on the couch and picking up –

Heero's laptop.

"You… you let him use that?" I asked quietly, tearing my eyes away from the sight of Rick working away at _Heero's laptop_. The damned machine he'd never even let me _touch_, even after the war, even though I kept bugging him all the time.

Shutters slid into place over hard blue orbs. "Yes," he said. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing, really," I said airily, while the feelings that raged inside me were anything but. It had just… hit me, then, really hit me, whacked me in the gut and stomped on me, to be precise, that he didn't see me as anything special. Not really even a best friend. He'd shared an apartment with me because he tolerated me, and I was one of the few people he knew he could trust not to stab him in the back. And I bet he even thought it'd be more bloody convenient, to be able to keep an eye on the baka so that he wouldn't go out and destroy the city or something.

He hadn't defended me because he hadn't found the need to. All the times he'd brushed me off, it had been because he really found me irritating, not just because he was uncomfortable like I'd always told myself. All the coldness, the harsh words…

_You're a fool, Duo Maxwell,_ I thought bitterly, my smile faltering a little. _An utter, blind fool._

"Duo?" Heero was frowning, watching me carefully. Perhaps he thought I was going to finally crack?

"Oh, nothing," I assured him cheerfully. "Good thing you didn't cook, I just ate outside. I'm tired, been cruising around all day, so I'll go to sleep early. Don't wake me up, alright?"

"Duo – " Heero started to say something, but the slamming of my door cut his words off. I leaned against the wood, listening to his footsteps move away, and silently turned the lock. Then I staggered the few steps to my bed and collapsed.

He didn't like me. He didn't think of me as his best friend. Oh, sure a friend like Trowa or Quatre or Wufei but not a _best_ friend like I'd considered him. He didn't like me. And there was no way in hell he'd love me like I loved him.

Solo had told me long ago never to cry. Shinigami had enforced that rule. Crying would break down your own defences like nothing and nobody else ever would. But… Heero had already done that, broken me and made me whole and broken me again.

_Too much_, was my last thought before I let myself break down silently into my bed, tears searing my face and dying on my pillow. My fingers were fisted in the sheets, my body curled up in as small a ball as possible, as if that would let me be invisible in my moment of shameful weakness. There was a painfully hollow feeling somewhere in my chest, the hollowness of worthless death and the knowledge that I was never needed.

_It just had to be you, didn't it? Of all the people, it just had to be you… Gods, I still love you so much, so much, so very very much…_

And even as I cried, Shinigami stirred in my subconsciousness. Shinigami, born out of my wish to never feel so deeply again so I could never be hurt like I was when Solo died. Now that Heero had shredded me like Solo's death never had, Shinigami decided my next course for me. The best thing, the only thing to do.

But it still hurt, dammit.

_Heero…_

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Next part coming right up! Things will be resolved in the next chapter except for one, and whether or not I'll resolve _that_ will be up to all of you. Review, please?

And by the way, this was supposed to be my first GW one-shot. How I managed to make it into three rather long parts I'll never know. [sighs] I just can't write short fics...

**[Ashen Skies][Beautiful Solitude]**


	2. Realizations: Heero

**Disclaimer**: Don't own, have no relation to Gundam Wing or any of its characters, making no profit from this, yadda yadda I'm really tired of writing disclaimers.

**Summary**: Duo realizes Heero doesn't like him. Heero realizes that he does. [Warning: in 3 parts. First part angst, second part will attract ants, third part might burn rubber all the way up to R.]

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**Realizations: Heero **

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Duo was still sleeping when I got up the next day, his door locked. I stared at the wood for a moment. Something had been wrong last night; something had changed in his eyes. And he _never_ went to sleep so early, telling me he enjoyed the luxury of sleeping late and waking late with a home job.

I made myself a quick sandwich for breakfast, downed a cup of coffee, and then hesitated. Should I… no, Duo could handle his own breakfast. Dismissing the guilt I felt over lying that I hadn't made his dinner, I prepared to leave. After all, it's was the baka's own fault for taking me seriously, and he'd already eaten dinner, anyway. With the girls he'd surely enjoyed the entire day with.

Not two steps into the building and I was confronted with Zechs. "Heero Yuy!" he snapped. "Did you talk to Duo last night?"

Keeping my expression bland, I asked, "What do you mean?"

"You idiot!" he snapped. "Duo was in your office and he overheard two women talking about how Johansson badmouthed him in front of you and you didn't say anything in his defence!"

I stared. "How did you…"

"I went to your office on some business yesterday and overheard the women talking. I was about to confront you about it but then I saw Duo striding out of the office, so I called after him but he didn't hear me, and he was moving too fast for me to catch up. I was planning to go back and yell at you, but then I had something else urgent to attend to so I was busy for the entire day."

He paused to take a breath, and then slowly exhaled. "Look, I know I'm not exactly one of your close friends, but I care about you guys. Duo's too good a thing for you to mess up, okay?"

I didn't quite understand. "What do you mean by that?"

Zechs rolled his eyes. "Are you really that dense?" he asked bemused, then stared when I glared at him. "You really are," he said incredulously.

I growled. "Look, tell me – "

"Yuy. Marquise."

I turned around to see Une, apparently just arrived at the HQ. "Commander," we greeted her.

"Yuy, I want you to help me thank Maxwell again. That information he gave us was very valuable and a veritable time bomb. If he had waited a few minutes longer to get it to us, it would have been useless. As it was, Marquise, you led the team very well, and we managed to make full use of Chang's information."

They stared open-mouthed at her.

"You didn't know? Maxwell got a call from Chang, in code. He taped it and rushed down here to give it to me, and I immediately set our best code-breaker on it. It took a while to break Chang's code, since he used one of the most difficult as it was over an unsecured phone connection, but once I got the real message I sent Marquise to lead the team."

My words from last night came back to me and I winced. I'd thoughtlessly accused Duo… I should have known better. He was never as irresponsible as he made himself out to be; in fact he was the best, most reliable partner I'd ever had. So much better than Johansson, who I'd taken to tuning out whenever he began to talk. Perhaps that hadn't been such a good idea if he'd been insulting Duo…

Wait. Duo said – he'd been cruising around all day. But that was when I had accused him of going out dating, when in actual fact he'd been at HQ. And what Zechs said about Johansson…

Shit.

"Commander, may I please take the day off," I said curtly. Not even waiting for an answer, I took off outside, sprinting towards my car. I had a really bad feeling about this…

I sped past countless traffic lights on my way back, mind racing even faster than my physical body was. That look in Duo's eyes last night – it had been that dull, dead look when he thought I was dead, that one time I'd been involved in a dangerous undercover mission for the Preventers and couldn't reveal myself to him. I would never forget that look.

Duo had always been there, always smiling, always laughing and dammit I had forgotten the lessons war had taught me about that mask of his. I'd fallen back into the mindset people usually had when meeting Duo – he was a joker, a fool, always cheerful and always forgiving and never taking things to heart just because _he always looked so happy_. How could I forget? I remembered how honoured I'd felt that he'd trusted me with more than his mask, so how could I have not noticed that nowadays all I'd been seeing was an effortless grin? Stupid, stupid, stupid…

And I finally understood his question about the laptop, too. During the war I'd only had that one thing, most of the time, as my single most important possession. As such I had never let him touch it, and it became a game for him to keep pestering me to let him use the damn thing. And somewhere along the way I'd come to like the familiarity of him teasing me and trying to get me to let him just touch my laptop, just once, please? So I kept forbidding him from my laptop even now. When he saw Johansson freely using it, he must have thought…

Zechs was right. I was an idiot. Even more of a baka than that braided baka was.

I'd asked Duo to share an apartment with me because out of all the pilots I felt closest to him. He was my best friend, the only one I fully trusted with everything… except my feelings. I didn't know what it was that I felt, I just knew that I never wanted to let him go, and imagining him not by my side was painfully unthinkable. So I kept him close, hoping that over time things would become clearer. And I had a feeling that soon, I'd finally find out what it was made Duo so very important to me.

I swung my car into the parking lot, relieved to see Duo's car still there. Perhaps I was worrying for nothing? Nevertheless, I still felt uneasy, so I briskly walked into our apartment building, up the stairs and to our door. Fishing out my key, I unlocked the door and opened it.

And froze.

His lithe body was tensed, his side to me, like an animal caught in a trap, the proverbial deer in the headlights. A suitcase rested next to his feet, guilty in all its battered glory. A note was dangling from his fingers, and –

My heart stopped. I could see one large violet eye and it shimmered with tears, and his lightly flushed cheek had a trail of moisture down in. Duo never cried. Ever.

Slowly, oh so slowly I moved towards him, one step at a time. He didn't react, didn't move. Stopping when I was an arm's length away, I reached out and gently pulled the note from his fingers. He still didn't move as I read it.

_Hee-chan,_

_I know you don't want me to call you that but I figured one last time wouldn't hurt, huh? I just wanted to apologize before I go, and tell you something I've kept hidden 'til now._

_Sorry for being such an annoying, pesky fly of a housemate! I know I'm really messy and all, but a life as a street rat taught me not to care if I made a mess. Hell, we ourselves were filthy, who cared what we lived in? So yeah, sorry for that, and also for not pulling my weight in the house more often. I know I was a pain to live with, always trying to touch your laptop and calling you Hee-chan and all._

_And, well, since I'll be disappearing off nowhere after this, just thought I might tell you that when I first met you I already liked you. Then during the war I realized I liked you a lot, and then I more than liked you as a friend, and from there on it progressed until… huh. Well, trying to say I love you, I guess._

_I really do. It's not just another 'baka' comment of mine. I love you, I'm in love with you, I don't ever want to leave you, I can't think of not being with you, I can't stop thinking about you, I get all jealous and flaming pissed when I see you with someone else and I don't expect you to ever think of me as anything past 'friend', so I won't burden you further. I want you to be happy. Don't worry, the next time I see you I should have it all under control. Wish you all the best with Rick, and hey, if you ever get married let me know, yeah? I'll be watching, er, somewhere._

_Love (hope you don't mind), Duo _

_P.S. I still think of you as a friend and hope I haven't ruined that for us, too. I really do treasure our friendship._

I lowered the note to see Duo turn to face me. One swipe of his long sleeve cleared the tears away, and he looked at me with a sheepish smile. "Eh, sorry about that," he said lightly, gesturing at the note. "I was just feeling sentimental about the old times, and got slightly emotional... I was planning on writing you a better one, honest. Look, just give that to me and – "

"Duo?"

He refused to meet my eyes. "Yes?" he asked brightly.

"I'm sorry."

A slight flinch invisible to anyone else but me. "Yeah, I know, you can't return my feelings. Hey, no biggie, I already said – "

"I'm sorry I put you through such pain. I'm sorry that my trying to ignore Johansson made you think I agreed with him. I'm sorry I never told you my reason for keeping you from my laptop was because I enjoyed the attention you gave me while trying to touch it. I'm sorry I neglected to show you that I truly value you as a friend."

His mouth was hanging open, and I think I was rather shocked at myself, too. I'd never apologized more than once a day, come to think of it, and I never spoke so much unless it was mission-related. But this was Duo, and he was everything.

I took a step forward, letting the note flutter to the ground, and reached out to take Duo's hands in mine. He continued to gape while I continued to talk. "You're not a street rat. You're _not_. You're not filthy, or dirty, or unworthy. You're messy but that's normal, and you were _never_ a pain. You were… _nice_ to have around. You _still_ are. You're beautiful and smart and clean, and, and…"

I took a deep breath. Duo had come clean, and I could finally put a name to what I felt. "I only just realized it, but I – I lo – dammit, I love you, Duo."

He stared at me, violet eyes dark with chaotic emotions. "I love you," I repeated softly, pleadingly.

"You – " Duo's voice was hoarse, but he cleared his throat and continued. "You love me? After – after all the times you pushed me away and treated me coldly and 'omae o korosu'-ed me – "

"I was afraid." And I had been, and I was, _now_; I was afraid to lose him. I hurt him so much it was a wonder he still thought of me as a _friend_.

He laughed, a hollow sound that made my heart despair. "Afraid. That's what I kept telling myself, when you would never respond. You were afraid, you were unused to strong feelings, I should take it slow, wait for you to make the first move. But I realized it last night, you never really cared. Why are you doing this now? What, can't afford the rent?"

"Duo… I only realized it just now but that doesn't make it any less true. I know I don't deserve a second chance, don't deserve _you_, but I'm being selfish and asking for both. I love you, Duo, please, _please_ believe me." I tightened my grip on his hands when he tried to pull away, but he wrenched away with one hard jerk.

We stood there, staring at each other, infinity and an arm's length between us, hardly daring to breathe. Had I really pushed things too far? Was it too late? Dammit, would he leave just when I realized I loved him too much to stop him if he really wanted to?

Little by little, I opened my arms, holding them out in front of me. "I'll love you forever," I whispered. "I'll love you and tell you I love you and show you I love you every single day if you'll let me."

"I'm afraid too," he admitted softly in exchange. "I'm afraid this is all a big joke and you're just being your normal callous self and not caring what this joke will do to me."

"It's not a joke," I told him fiercely. "_It's not a joke_. I'd never joke about something like this. I love you. Please…"

_Please…_ _don't leave me._

He began trembling as I continued to whisper pleading words, begging him to give me a chance, to stay, to let me love him. Bit by bit, he moved towards me, and I could see he was fighting against himself all the way.

"I… I don't want… to be hurt again…" he confessed in a small, half-choked voice.

"I won't hurt you. We might fight, but I'll never intentionally hurt you and I'll never leave you," I breathed, and with a sob he melted into my arms, all the strength gone from him except for his arms holding me tightly, hands gripping my shirt. I closed my arms around his shaking figure, letting him cry it out, as we sank to the floor, still holding each other tightly close. God, he felt so _right_ in my arms, and I clutched him and wished I'd never need to let go and closed my own eyes because my throat was choked up and my eyes were burning.

"You're not a street rat," I managed to whisper through my silent tears and Duo's barely audible ones. "You're Duo Maxwell, and you're mine, and I'm yours."

His sobbing intensified, and I buried my face in his hair while we hung onto each other, riding the tears out. It was a while before Duo stopped shaking. We stayed like that for a while, Duo's head resting in the crook between my neck and shoulder, and me inhaling the tangy scent of his cinnamon shampoo.

Finally Duo lifted his head, tilting his face sideways to look at me. "Heero?" he whispered tentatively.

"No," I whispered back. "Hee-chan."

The sweetest, most innocent and most beautiful smile I'd ever seen spread over Duo's face, lighting up his eyes. "Hee-chan," he repeated obediently. Then the smile dimmed to something shyer, his cheeks flushing even more than the redness his crying had lent to his skin. "Can you… kiss me?" he asked so softly I almost didn't hear it.

I thought about teasing him, then decided the situation was too delicate and too perfect to ruin. "Of course," I murmured.

His eyelashes fluttered closed over those brilliant eyes of his as I leaned in, my own gaze shuttering. The first light, teasing brush of my lips against his made us both gasp. Then I reached up to cradle his head, and leaned forward, and carefully pressed my lips to his.

I nudged his lips with my tongue and he parted them slightly, and I let my tongue dance through his mouth, tasting him, sucking on his tongue. He whimpered slightly, and I pulled back, gazing down at his still flushed face. He looked gorgeous, and I told him so.

Violet eyes blinked up at me shyly. "You think?"

"Don't ever doubt it," I replied, and leaned down to steal another short, gentle kiss. "I love you."

This time, he reached up to tangle his fingers in my mop of hair and pull my head down. "That's right," he whispered, "I haven't really said it yet." He kissed me lightly, then grinned shyly. "I love you."

I rested my forehead against his. "We've been idiots," I laughed, "for so long."

"Damn straight."

Duo and I shot apart – or at least tried to. We just ended up in a groaning mess of limbs on the floor, blinking up at a grinning Quatre at the doorway, Trowa behind him. My eyes widened – that's right! I hadn't closed the door!

"We came in while you were rushing off, Heero," Quatre said nonchalantly. "Talked to Zechs and decided that you both were such idiots you might not get it on your own, so we came over. Didn't expect you to move so fast… how many traffic rules did you break?"

Duo managed to sit up and raise an eyebrow at me. "You sped?" he asked with a smirk.

I shrugged, carefully untangling myself.

"Do what I do – say it was Preventers' business."

We all stared at Trowa.

He blinked back.

"Damn, Tro, you're full of surprises," Duo grinned as he stood, offering a hand out to me. I took it and let him pull me up.

Quatre came over then and hugged Duo. "I'm happy for you," he murmured, and Duo flashed him a grateful smile. I stared at Quatre as he turned to me. "You knew?" I muttered as he hugged me as well.

"Of course," the blond ex-pilot laughed. "Space heart, remember? In fact, I knew what _you_ were feeling long before you figured it out, _today_."

"So he's slow, that doesn't mean anything," Duo defended me, slipping an arm around my waist. I didn't know whether to feel happy or insulted.

Trowa just nodded at us with a small smile, which was equal to a megawatt grin from him. "Congratulations on finally getting through each other's thick skulls," he said seriously.

Duo stuck a tongue out at him. "Now I know why you don't talk much, you're absolutely _charming_ when you do," he said dryly. Trowa smirked, but then it turned back into a smile when Duo said quietly, "But thanks."

"We'll leave you two alone," Quatre said cheerfully, grabbing Trowa's arm and dragging him to the door. "Seems like you'll do fine together. We won't tell anyone else, don't worry, until you're comfortable with going public. Bye!" The door closed behind them.

"I think going public is a great idea," Duo said thoughtfully. When I glanced at him, he was smirking. "I have the beginnings of a plan to deal with one Mr Johansson…"

I sighed. "Duo."

He turned to look at me, pouting. "Why? Do you still like him, Hee-chan?" he asked, lower lip trembling. He pulled away from me, turning his back and bowing his head. "I understand…"

"Baka," I muttered affectionately (and I admit, a little anxiously), grabbing Duo back from behind and wrapping my arms around his waist. "Just don't overdo it."

He leaned back against me; head nestled comfortably in the crook of my neck. "You don't mind, do you? Going public?"

"No. Johanssen deserves whatever you do to him. And I want everyone to know that you're mine."

"Possessive, aren't we?"

"Yes, _we_ are."

Duo grinned up at me. "True, true… Hey, wanna hear my plan? Une would kill us after she's done laughing, but it'd be worth it…"

I smiled. I had missed the Duo under the mask. "Fine. I'm listening…"

* * *

Eep… I can't believe I wrote so much pure fluffy _sap_. Sooo… anyone wants the third part? About how Duo, er, deals with Mr Johansson? It's not written yet, so… any ideas? Please? Review onegai!

Oh, yes. If you have time, here's some self-promoting: go and read my other GW fics! Please? [hopeful puppy-eyed look]

And something very important: thank you so much to all those wonderful, lovely people who reviewed the first part of Realizations! [beams] This is dedicated to all of you.

**[Ashen Skies][Beautiful Solitude]******


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